Urban Meyer, one of the most successful coaches in college football, has taken a leave of absence from his position in the height of his career. It came as a shock to everyone in the sports world, especially those in the Gator Nation.  His reputation for being a coach who genuinely cares about his players has been true in every sense of the word. However, the burden of caring for 85 kids has a cost and he has paid it.

If you listen to the initial press release, what you see is a man who has become reacquainted with his values.  He said he needed to make his faith and his family his priorities. The possibility of losing his health forced him to examine his heart (literally and figuratively), the condition of his family, and an awakening in his faith. This is a man who achieved the pinnacle of success but came to realize it would not matter if he didn’t possess the things that really mattered most.

His eighteen year old told him she was glad he was stepping down because “she would have her daddy back” and his 16 year old said she was happy he was leaving coaching because they had not been able to talk for two years.   Meyer himself knew things were out of balance when he was sitting in church and texting a recruit.

We usually have signs all around us if we will take the time to step back, listen, pay attention, and become a student of our children. Our kids are a good pulse as to what is truth. Often times we do not like to hear what they have to say because we believe our choices of sacrifice are a way we show them how much we love them.  But here is the slippery slope dads must pay attention to if they are going to be what their children need, not simply a supplier of what they want.

Too often dads find themselves out of balance because they feel the burden of providing for their family.  I see it in the corporate world all the time. The pressure mounts as the children get older because the costs that go along with raising them become higher. However, the cost of not being there to participate in their child’s life and really know their child is a cost no dad can afford.  Your wife may have already dropped a hint like this or you may even occasionally hear your male colleagues say something about struggling with time management and stress.

If you are reading this newsletter, I am pretty confident you want to be an intentional dad. If you have the confidence and are willing to listen to your children’s responses without being upset, ask your kids about your relationship with them. Tell them you want to know about your time together and see if your perception lines up with theirs.  Don’t be defensive or attempt to justify your actions. Simply seek to understand how they feel and what they perceive.

You also need to reflect on how you take care of yourself. Do you exercise regularly? Do you strive to add to your knowledge daily? Do you ever go to the doctor for a check-up? Remember, you are modeling for your children what a healthy man looks like and how you handle this area of life will be repeated or expected by your children when they become adults.

Most importantly, one of the contribution factors in Meyer’s decision to step back is his faith. You won’t hear much about this side from the media, but let me tell you why this is important.  When a man gets serious about knowing God, it causes him to re-examine his priorities. Clearly Meyer has been impacted by Tim Tebow’s faith and servant heart.  Meyer has been changed by this young man’s example and I have no doubt the world will be a better place, because in moving away from the world’s definition of success, he will get a clearer perspective as to what really matters.

To the outside world it may look like he stepped away from his commitment to the University of Florida, but in reality he just stepped up in being an even greater man of integrity within his own family. I can’t think of a better example to the children he loves most: His own.


Catherine Hickem, LCSW
Intentional Moms!