Many of you will be watching March Madness over the next few weeks. I am sure it will add a little excitement to your weekend because it can be a common denominator of discussion amongst friends and colleagues. In fact, it has been said that the real reason the President of the United States has changed his travel plans overseas is so that he and the travel correspondents can get in 40 or so basketball games. Whether that is true or not, I cannot confirm; I do however grasp the importance of sports in the lives of many dads.

I think it is great when fathers are involved with their children in any capacity. I find dads seem to enjoy watching their children participate in athletics especially. There are many reasons for this connection and it can be a wonderful bonding experience between a father and child.

Having spent many years watching my children play little league sports, I witnessed firsthand a vast array of parents in athletics. Most of them conducted themselves rather well. However, there were some who were “out of control”.
I always prayed about what coach my children would get because I knew there was no way I would allow someone to emotionally abuse my child in the name of teaching them how to be a good ball player. I am all for discipline, sportsmanship, excellence, etc., but not at the expense of creating doubt, fear, and shame. I witnessed some dads berate their children so badly that I could not imagine what condition the child would be in if there ever was a “real” problem.
Whatever activity you choose to be a part of in your child’s life, I would like to share some observations of what I have learned over the years as a therapist who worked with athletes who had demanding parents:
1. The child knows if you are doing this for them or for you. Examine yourself to see if you are in touch with your motives as well as your needs. Does this experience fulfill a dream you had that was never met? Do you act like your father or completely opposite of him?
2. Allow your child to know you do not expect perfection. In the Hickem home, it was understood that anything worth doing well was worth doing poorly until we got good at it. Practice is a necessary ingredient in any athletic adventure. Recognize that placing pressure on them will take away the joy of the experience.
3. Allow them to dictate to you what sport they will embrace. It is their life, not yours. I understand you may have to limit the options and that is fine. However, just because you loved one sport doesn’t necessarily mean your child will embrace the same one.
4. Remember that encouragement goes a lot further than criticism. Teaching a child how to do something well is a wonderful thing as long as you remember who you are dealing with when you are doing it.
5. Check in with your wife or best friend every once and a while to see if you are handling things well with your venture into your child’s athletic journey. Be willing to listen and apologize to your son or daughter if necessary. They do not want to disappoint you in any way and I have no doubt the relationship will be stronger because you took ownership of your behavior.
6. Encourage them with your words, your touch, and the look in your eye. They need to see you believe in them, especially when they have had a bad performance or game. Remind them your love for them is unconditional and you want them to have fun while they are learning the art of the game.
7. Lastly, remember this is their life. Let them enjoy the experience of being a child or teen without fear of losing their relationship with you. Dads are the single most important male a child will ever have in their life and you want to make the most of it in every way.
These lessons apply to the arts, academics, and anything else in which your child will invest his or her energy. Do not letting winning dominate the bigger life lesson of integrity, character, perseverance, and diligence. If we take care of the correct things, the rest will take care of themselves.

Think about it!

Catherine