Let’s keep this article simple and to the point. Dads often get brought into a decision late in the process and are asked to get caught up quickly. For weeks, issues may be brewing, but dads are informed on an “as needed” basis because moms are the primary “go to” person in the household.

All of a sudden, mom shows up with a sense of urgency and wants your input on what to do with the new problem or crisis. Now you are being asked to think quickly and help make a decision you may not feel adequate to make. All eyes are on you and it feels like you are in a no-win situation. You love your child and want the best for them, but making decisions on the fly could make things worse instead of better. What do you do?

To begin with, ask your wife or your child’s mom to review all that has happened in a bottom-line manner, highlighting the most important variables. Next, ask her to pinpoint the positives and negatives of the situation so you can have a comprehensive understanding of the exact problem being addressed.

Lastly, ask mom what she needs from you so all parties are clear as to what you are being asked to do. Does she need you to simply listen while she processes the issue? Does she want you to step in and deal with the problem because she can’t or thinks you might handle it more effectively? Does she need to hear you are supportive of the decisions she has made? Once you know what she really needs from you, it will make the experience more productive for everyone and reduce the likelihood of confusion between you.

Most importantly, it will show a united front to your children that you and mom are working together for his or her best interest. This will strengthen your child’s self-worth, even if your child is in trouble and having issues. Children need their dads involved at every level. It is understandable that you may not be there for all their daily experiences, but if mom reaches out to you, step into the moment and show up. The pay off for your participation will be priceless.

Think about it, dad!

Catherine